For years I thought about shaving it. It was getting to the point where I couldn’t hide it anymore due to all the hair loss I had. I would randomly walk into the bathroom, pick up the shaver, look myself in the mirror and then put it back in the drawer and go about my day. I did that for years. I was holding onto the last bits of my hair in “hopes” that one day it would all magically grow back. Shying away from the mirror was my favorite thing to do when I didn’t have a hat on or just got out of the shower. My hair was such a constant thought, that my life felt like it was put on hold.
April 10th 2020, at 1am I was standing in my room. It was particularly hot that night for some reason and I was dreading wearing a hood to sleep (what I would do every night as a security blanket). I told myself “I can’t keep doing this. It’s weighing on me so heavy that I feel like I’m starting to become a recluse.”
So I walked up to my boyfriend, told him to find the shaver and stated that I was going to shave my head. He frantically ran around trying to find it, came upstairs and put it on the bathroom counter.
I held it in my hand as it buzzed away. Blankly staring at myself in the mirror. I turned it off. Questioned myself a million times, and almost convinced myself not to do it. For some reason that buzzing sound sounded like a train coming at me full speed. So before I let the devil on my shoulder tell me to keep hiding this part of me, I grabbed the scissors and cut a huge chunk of hair off right on the side of my hair. I burst into tears, but also started laughing hysterically. I was so emotional that I could barely see, so my boyfriend took over. He smiled the whole time while he shaved my head, while I cried.
When I looked down at the floor and saw all of my worries slumped in a puddle, I looked up and sai
d “I did it. I finally did it. I feel so light. I’m so happy.” And I’ve loved my shaved head ever since!
So for anyone Alopecians out there that are thinking about shaving their heads, maybe this story will push you towards that happiness! Hands down one of the most freeing moments of my life.
-Paige
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