I have no hair. I have hidden for 19 years... yes that's right 19 years I have put a wig on and hidden this beautiful head. If you had asked me last year if I would be talking about this or sharing this piece of me at all I would have said your were crazy now here we are and I want to tell you how freeing this really is. I have come out on social media and started a page about awareness, I do a weekly podcast that talks about my life and relationships with Alopecia, I have written several articles, did a presentation to my team at work and for the first time ever I left my house bald and went to a friend's. Now I am forced to question why did I hide for so long was it because I was afraid of being judged, was it because I didn't like the way I looked or felt, was it because I didn't want to admit that I had a flaw, was it because I didn't want to be vulnerable with strangers, was it because I didn't want others to pity me or was it simply because I wanted to pretend that nothing was wrong with me and ignore the deeper issue that was inside .... the fact that I didn't love myself enough to show who I truly am and therefore I didn't think anyone could love me for the true me. To me the benefits of hiding were that I didn't have to let anyone close if I didn't want to. I could put on my security blanket and be a complete badass without feeling like the little kid who got her bandana pulled off in middle school. Loving myself was never a thought, it was will others love me and they seemed to flock to me when I was happy and I was happiest when I looked "normal" The struggles I faced with hiding were the little things like answering the door after I took my wig off, having friends over for the weekend that didn't know so having to put a wig on, not being able to go swimming and enjoy it, sweating to much under the wig to go to public gyms.... the list goes on but these are all the things that now drive me to not hide so that I can enjoy life on my terms and I now have the choice if I want hair that day or not. This was a huge lesson for me ... for to hide myself is to think less of myself and I don't want to do that anymore I know now that I need to focus on living for myself, embracing the bald, letting my confidence ring free and not hiding my true self because that is not fair to me. I will continue my work on me because in helping myself I will be able to reach my full potential of helping others not only those with Alopecia but those who hide from a piece of them that they don't like because we have all hidden something.
Kristen
